If we are open, we can see signs everywhere. I don't talk too much about the spiritual side of my journey, but it's perhaps the most important. Being open to the universe and listening to that quiet voice within – that is where we find our truth.
The more I grow, the more I realize how little I know. I'm cool with that, it makes things interesting and reminds me not to get too complacent. There are, however, a few truths that are constant for me. When I'm feeling disconnected or lost, nature always brings me back.
Yesterday, I went hiking for the first time in a long time. It was hard. Harder than it should have been and even more humbling to see how far I've backslid. I've been struggling the last few months and my health and fitness have suffered. I can point my finger in so many directions as to why, but the why doesn't really matter.
What matters is the truth. Whether I like it or not, I'm in the midst of a lifelong battle with obesity, food addiction, and binge eating. There is no room for complacency in this fight. There is no finish line.
I can wish with all my might for a “normal” relationship with food and maybe someday I'll get there, but for today, that's not my reality. If I could eat certain foods in moderation, I wouldn't struggle with obesity. It's really that simple.
Last summer I reached a breaking point and realized that it wasn't just flour and sugar that triggered an addiction like responses in me, it was all starchy carbs – corn, potatoes, beans. I dove into the scientific research, taking a closer look at how our brains work with insulin response and metabolic resistance. I came to believe that I was addicted to carbohydrates and it was very clear to me that I had to eliminate these foods completely to find the freedom I was seeking.
So I googled “will i die if i don't eat carbohydrates?” and came across the concept of ketosis. I wasn't looking for another diet, I gave those up years ago. What I found was a community of people who were finally finding freedom from food, losing weight without starving themselves, and feeling hope after a lifetime of obesity. I'm grateful for those who embrace this lifestyle and show others that life goes on without bread.
I don't promote keto as the solution because i don't think it is. To me, keto is actually a byproduct of the solution – my diet falls under ketogenic/paleo/whole30 because of the foods I choose to eat/not eat. For most people, such a drastic shift is not feasible or sustainable as a starting point. It took me years of being honest about how the foods I eat affect me to reach this point and the process continues to this day.
Sure, I'd like to skip off into the horizon, forever cured of my issues with food, but that's not reality. For today, I'm grateful that I am able to go for a hike and see this sign. A reminder to STOP before plummeting off the cliff and of all the wonderful things we might discover when we choose to turn around and take a new path.